I write this with a heavy heart.
Have you ever study abroad or lived abroad then come back to your country only to find days where you long that other place? Well that is me today. It has been 2 weeks since I came back from South Africa and I still feel like I don’t belong here. Though, I’ve acclimated (sort of) to the harsh 115 degree weather here in Arizona and the overly processed food, my heart hasn’t settled. I sometimes feel like I am trapped in a life that is not my own! How can you long for somewhere that is not home?
I miss the fresh, salty, ocean breeze. The crisp mornings. The colorful collage of fellow interns. The cheerful locals. The mysterious (sometimes sketchy) campus cafeteria food. The nights of cheering on rival teams during the World Cup in main house. The weekends full of wild African adventures. Walking cheetahs. Shark cage diving. Petting lions. Crafting my writing skills. Playing competitive card games. Not carrying a cell phone. Learning about different cultures and countries. Karaoke nights. Laughing until my sides hurt. Learning words in different languages. Not being plugged-in all the time. Hearing stories around the bonfire.
I miss being care-free.
Then I also have this atrocious dilemma of “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE AFTER I GRADUATE”. Graduation is in May and although my time in Africa made me realize that I will be miserable for the rest of my life if I don’t find a way to involve nature and travel in it, that leaves the nagging question, HOW AM I GOING TO DO THAT???? How am I going to find a job that I can just write/record about traveling or animals when everyone and their mother wants to do that job? How do I find this ideal job? How do I out-compete those other competitors???
Excuse me while I go hyperventilate in a corner.